My Beautiful New Grandson

Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Broken Heart and Mourning in Black

I don't exactly know why I am posting this. Maybe I need to put my feelings into words, to let some of the pain out, to sob uncontrollably. My Mom, best friend, fellow thrift store hunter, antique-r, crafting partner in crime, beloved mother died unexpectedly due to cancer complications. I want to scream, and throw things, stomp my feet, shout. ANYTHING to ease the incredible, all encompassing, overwhelming anguish. I think I understand why in Biblical times they sat among ashes and tore their clothes. It gave you something to do when you can't do anything else. When you can barely breathe.

My mom was an incredibly, talented and creative woman, who sang beautifully, loved clothes, and of course shoes. She came alive when gardening. She has turned dirt patches into little Edens. She could make a silk purse out of a sows ear and loved to laugh. She adored her grandchildren, and loved my brother and me. We were not without our squabbles, so senseless now, in hindsight.

No matter HOW old we are, we never outgrow our need for our mom. Even as an adult she has smoothed my hair and soothed my tears, telling me it will be okay. Several times I have gone to call her, and remembered she is no longer there. If your mom is alive call her and tell her how important she is, and that you love her. I was grateful to be there holding her hand, until the end. She was surrounding by children and grandchildren. Heavily medicated, coma-like, I don't think she knew we were there. but I am glad I was.

This Poem has always made me cry, but all the more now.

Backward, turn backward, O Time in your flight,
Make me a child again just for to-night!
Mother, come back from the echoless shore,
Take me again to your heart as of yore;
Kiss from my forehead the furrows of care,
Smooth the few silver threads out of my hair;
Over my slumbers your loving watch keep:
Rock me to sleep, Mother-rock me to sleep!

Backward, flow backward, oh, tide of the years!
I am so weary of toil and of tears
Toil without recompense, tears all in vain-
Take them, and give me my childhood again!
I have grown weary of dust and decay-
Weary of flinging my soul-wealth away;
Weary of sowing for others to reap;
Rock me to sleep, Mother-rock me to sleep!

Tired of the hollow, the base, the untrue,
Mother, O Mother, my heart calls for you!
Many a summer the grass has grown green,
Blossomed and faded, our faces between:
Yet, with strong yearning and passionate pain,
Long I to-night for your presence again.
Come from the silence so long and so deep:
Rock me to sleep, Mother-rock me to sleep!

Over my heart, in the days that are flown,
No love like mother-love ever has shone;
No other worship abides and endures
Faithful, unselfish, and patient like yours:
None like a mother can charm away pain
From the sick soul and the world-weary brain.
Slumber's soft calms o'er my heavy lids creep;
Rock me to sleep, Mother-rock me to sleep!

Come, let your brown hair, just lighted with gold,
Fall on your shoulders again as of old;
Let it drop over my forehead to-night,
Shading my faint eyes away from the light;
For with its sunny-edged shadows once more
Haply will throng the sweet visions of yore;
Lovingly, softly, its bright billows sweep;
Rock me to sleep, Mother-rock me to sleep!

Mother, dear Mother, the years have been long
Since I last listened your lullaby song:
Sing, then, and unto my soul it shall seem
Womanhood's years have been only a dream.
Clasped to your heart in a loving embrace,
With your light lashes just sweeping my face,
Never hereafter to wake or to weep;
Rock me to sleep, Mother-rock me to sleep!

Elizabeth Akers Allen (1823-1911)


  1. Jody, your mum sounds like she was a very nurturing and lovely lady, what gifts she has passed along to you and yours. No words will ease the sorrow and anger, only time and grieving will temper those feelings and leave you with all the wonderful memories made together.

    I found you via Scrap Matrix

  2. If you need anything... let me know. My condolances... xoxox Bryanna

  3. My dear friend Jody,
    If ever there was a time I wish I lived closer to my blogging friends, this would be it. I would come and wrap my arms around and let you cry or scream for as long as needed dear friend. But since I don't live right next door, just know from someone that has gone through the same pain when I lost my mom, that the crying eases but the memories will always, always be with you. She will always be by your side no matter what you do in life. She will be the face looking back at you in the mirror and the sigh as you fall asleep at night. She will always be there with you.
    I would like to invite you to look at my blog for Mother's day. The poem I wrote to my own mother is for you today as well my friend.
    Hugging you, Terry

    Just copy and paste in your browser bar or link back to my Mother's day posting on my blog

  4. I just found your blog via Katie Rose Cottage, I was reading the comments and like your picture and click on, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother, I still have my Mother but I can totally understand how you feel, I lost my Dad when I was 15 years old, and it was very painful, I will tell you, only time will help, you never forget, time just helps the pain not be so devastaing! I am now 46 years old and I don't think there has been a day go by that I don't call my Mother, sometimes several times a day, my husband can't understand why I call her so much, but I told him as long as she's here I will call her every day or go over to visit, because I can't do that with my Dad, so I will call or visit every day that I have with her! I will be praying for you!

  5. I pray with all my heart that God's sweet,loving embrace be wrapped around you and your family.
    I KNOW this doesnt compare but when our beloved dog passed away last month ~ a few days later I had to struggle with myself not to dig down in his grave just so I could touch him one more time.
    Kick,scream and do whatever it takes to move through the stages of grief ~ and in the end remember this life here is so temporary ~ heaven is truely the prize!

  6. Oh my goodness. i'm so sorry for your lost relationship with your clearly loved her...she was your confident and it's hard to loose a dear loved one...esp. a mother and friend.

    thinking of you..


  7. I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Mother! You are so fortunate to have had such a loving Mother in your life! I hate cancer, it just ravages so many lives! Suzie

  8. I'm so sorry for your deep loss! What a lovely description of your sweet and talented mother. She sounds just like my mom- the gardening, the antiquing and crafting- even the beautiful singing voice. I am praying for God to give you comfort in this very difficult time. The poem is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.

  9. Dear Jodi,

    My heart is aching and breaking for you at the loss of your Mother.
    Your post truly expresses truly special the Mother/Daughter/Best Friend relationship you had and you were so blessed to have that! I know you miss her deeply and please accept my condolences.
    God Bless you and may all the happy memories of your Mother bring you comfort during this saddest of times.
    Warm Hugs,

  10. i'm so very sorry for your loss. what an eloquent tribute to your amazing mom.


  11. So, so sorry for your loss... I am in tears x **(((HUGS))** from a stranger....x


From your Home and Heart